11 May, 2016

Why Adoption is Our First Choice

If you meet Mr. Bear or I for the first time, and you ask the questions, "How long have you been married?" (Almost 5 years) and then ask "So do you have any children?" You'll probably receive a rather long answer.
In this post you'll hear a lot of the positive language that I like to use with adoption, I'll bold the words when used. 

Simply, we are called to adoption as our first choice to become parents, and I would love to explain why.
Yes like most couples who are married, we discussed at lengths our plans for "growing a family" and I truly believe I don't need a pregnancy to be a parent. With that being said, when I was 17 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and while it is NOT a horrible prognosis, amongst it's other symptoms it also causes fertility issues. I have a LOT of friends who suffer from PCOS, but unlike me, they have suffered incredible heartbreak because of this disease. Many of my friends with PCOS miscarry when they do manage to get pregnant. For women with PCOS getting pregnant is hard (we don't have normal hormone levels and don't ovulate regularly) but because of those same hormone issues keeping a pregnancy is a struggle as well. This is a heartbreaking reality for women with PCOS, and it's a heartbreak I pray I never have to experience.
Now I don't want you to think that our decision to adopt is based off of fear, because while this is a contributing factor it is not the only reason. 
I have wanted to adopt children since I was eleven, at the time I was convinced that I wanted five special needs children, and maybe that was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but mostly now it sounds a little crazy. God put the desire to adopt on my heart at a very young age, and it's only grown with time. I know that adoption is it's own heart wrenching process, but I can't forget about the children that are actually out there and waiting on Mr. Bear and I to come take them home and make them safe. 
As a nanny, I have spent years loving on babies that weren't mine. I would happily give a kidney or portions of my lungs to these children, and them being "mine" has never been a factor in my love. While any children I adopt will someday carry our last name, they will in a way not be mine. There is a quote below that perfectly describes adoption. I don't need homegrown children to love them, and I certainly can become a parent to them when I've been growing them in my heart for years. 
Like most parents, I pray for my children, the difference is, I don't know who they are. I don't know if they've been born yet, or if they're still waiting to be born, however I pray for my future children frequently because my loving them doesn't have a time limit. I love them now, and I'll love them forever.

So when you meet Mr. Bear and I, and we give you this long explanation of the plans for our family, realize there are many reasons why we choose adoption, but it isn't a fallback, it's our first choice. One day God might bless us with homegrown babies, but I know my God isn't wasteful, and He's been growing me into a mommy for years. I don't need to be pregnant to be someone's momma.  I pray for the day that my heartgrown children officially become mine.


  1. This is beautiful!! I love the quote, and it is so true! I believe it takes a beautiful soul to be able to love with no boundaries this way. So glad God has blessed you with this knowledge!

    1. I love how you described that, it really is loving without boundaries. Thanks for your comment :)

  2. What a wonderful post! I'm not ashamed to admit it made me cry. PCOS is something I know all too much about unfortunately. It can be excruciating and heartbreaking. You are absolutely right about being a momma is more than just giving birth. I have a real heart for adoption too. My husband and I are very serious about pursuing it in the future. As someone who has an amazing man for a daddy who shares zero genetic material with me, I understand that there are special people in this world that God calls to be parents of the unparented. I truly wish you all of the best in your journey to be the momma that God calls you to be.

    1. PCOS is heartbreaking, and if the symptoms weren't bad enough, not being able to have children is the worst. Our adoption journey will begin in the next few years, and I'm almost giddy excited about it.
      Thanks for your comment!


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